essay "A Good Friend"

essay "A Good Friend"

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:51 pm

<代貼>

I just wrote the essay a few minutes before. I don't know the pros and cons by checking myself. Could you please check the essay for me? I have seen your correction of others on the bulletin.

The essay is below.
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A good friend
A good friend is like a cup of ice tea, which can calm down your restless mind. A good friend is like an eraser, which can erase your upset. A good friend is like a motto, which can direct you towards peak. A good friend is like a shadow along with you silently whenever you think of him/her. A real good friend can encourage you and give you positive suggestions, but the opposite is gradually destroying your ambition. In other words, to have a good friend is really an important matter.
You can share your ups and downs with your friends. You can express your opinions about any topics without any restrictions with your friends. You may feel peace and carefree with your friends. All matters you have soon became a part of life.
To sum up, it's such a significant lesson of life to have some close and good friends. Although, "Birds of a feather flock together," you still have to watch out carefully.
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Re: essay "A Good Friend"

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:52 pm

Try this:

A Good Friend

It takes a long time to grow an old friend. A true friend is someone who walks into your life and suddenly she/he is the only person in the world who cares about you.

A good friend supports you when you are in need of help, comforts you when you are upset, directs you if you are lost.

A good friendship will accompany you wherever you go, it encourages you to grow and leads you the ways.

I can share my feeling with my best friend, she will always support me no matter what.

Life journey can be different if you have a TRUE friend; a true friend will be always loyal.
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Re: essay "A Good Friend"

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:52 pm

Having a good friend in your life is like drinking a cup of iced tea because he/she can calm you down when your mind is restless. A good friend can also share your happiness and sorrow (or up and down), be there whenever he/she is needed, and to ease you when you are angry. A good friend will listen to you carefully and patiently when you share/discuss your experience and opinions with him/her. Not only that, a good friend will try to inspire and encourage you to improve yourself, to show your true potential and to achieve your goals. Having a good friend in your life can significantly affect yourself, your thinking, and your way of living. In summary, we all need some good friends who will support us unconditionally through every stage of our lives, but true friends are difficult to find.
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Re: essay "A Good Friend"

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:52 pm

關於pros的部份你可以參考前面兩個回文,尤其是gina的post符合你原來的文章,你可以參考看看她的較通順的寫法。這篇我只集中在cons的部份。

I just wrote the essay a few minutes before.
Before改成ago. 用before的話意思會變成幾分鐘之前的這個時間點以前就寫好了,也許是昨天,也許是上禮拜,也許是上個月你就寫好了你的essay.

A good friend is like a cup of ice tea, which can calm down your restless mind. A good friend is like an eraser, which can erase your upset. A good friend is like a motto, which can direct you towards peak.
這段落基本上文法沒有錯,只是“, which....”這寫法另有它的涵意在。以第一句來說

A good friend is like a cup of ice tea, which can calm down your restless mind.

在這句裡頭使用『逗號+which字句』的寫法,基本上是表示後頭的子句是附加解釋,是可有可無的,整個句子的主要意思是在逗號前頭的子句,換句話說,整句變成你要強調的只是is like ...ice tea.(語氣上感覺起來比較弱) 除非這真的是你所要表達的意思,不然的話你應該是要表達a good friend就像ice tea“那樣可以如何如何”,換句話說,後頭子句的意思和前頭的一樣重要。如果是這樣子的話,把逗號去掉,然後which改成that,這時that所接的子句的意思和前頭一樣的重要(essential):

A good friend is like a cup of ice tea that can calm down your restless mind.

(稍微精簡,然後去掉can強化些立場)
A good friend is like ice tea that calms down your restless mind.

A good friend is like a shadow along with you silently whenever you think of him/her. A real good friend can encourage you and give you positive suggestions, but the opposite is gradually destroying your ambition.

第二句文法沒錯,只是讀起來的意思似乎是:
A real good friend 可以...., 但是相反的good friend(的negative suggestions ??)也會逐漸的摧毀你的ambition。
這是你要表達的意思嘛? 邏輯上似乎不大合理,如果這真的是你要表達的,最好是避開這部份,因為主題是A good friend,然後你的前頭也寫了很多的好處,這時候提壞處似乎多餘。如果真的要提壞處,份量要增加以強化這句的論點。

另外就是把can去掉,意思會更強烈些 – A real good friend encourages you and gives you....

In other words, to have a good friend is really an important matter.
同樣的,也是文法沒錯,只是邏輯上這結論有點不大合理(因為前一句的關係。若是沒有前一句,這句就沒問題了)。

You can share your ups and downs with your friends. You can express your opinions about any topics without any restrictions with your friends. You may feel peace and carefree with your friends. All matters you have soon became a part of life.
1. ....feel peace and carefree : and 前後的詞性要一致; peace(名詞), carefree(形容詞)
2. All matters you have soon became a part of life: became是過去式,前後時態不一致。

To sum up, it's such a significant lesson of life to have some close and good friends.
一樣的,文法沒錯,但是把some去掉的話整句所要表達的理念會比較強一些。

Although, "Birds of a feather flock together," you still have to watch out carefully.
最後這句和前頭的『這時候提壞處似乎多餘』那段解釋類似,如果你真的要提就要把你的論點加強,不然的話這變成偏離主題。
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文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am

Re: essay "A Good Friend"

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:52 pm

good job, guys!!! wonderful work! GO GINA GO DJ GO GINA GO DJ GO GINA...alright..I'll stop now before gina stabs me...

a true good friend is when you feel "lonely", he'll hand in the playboys...

alright..you didn't just read that.
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文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am


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