"No swimming!"

Re: "No swimming!"

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:59 pm

開頭的寫法以及內容很吸引人,真的是越寫越好,已經是"Reader's Digest" grade.

P1.
1. Instead of going to a swimming pool, finally I decided to drive to ... --> 去掉finally.
因為這是第一個表示"decide"的句子,這句子之前的前文是背景描述以及想要swim的念頭,但是沒講到要去哪。
若是之前有提到一串決定要去這,或是那的,那麼這裡就可以用finally來表示"最後決定要去的是"。在這句子裡,第一個子句開頭是Instead of going..., I decided...這寫法本身已經是屬於"二選一",整句是一個"決定",所以無法用finally來強調"最後的決定"

2. ....to swim in a river, where has the breathtaking... --> where 在這句裡不能當主詞用
..where the scenery is/was breathtaking and the air is/was fresh (一樣,當成類似電影旁白的感覺時,用現在式。若只是要單純描述過去事件就用過去式)

3. , which I went to quite often on/during the weekendS. -->別忘了weekend複數,不是只有一個weekend喔。

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P2.
1. As soon as I got the destination, ... --> got TO 少了to。
2. ...caught my eye eyeS 複數

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P3. 挺有趣的,我讀到笑出來了:)
在"....."的部份前後的標點符號都沒有留空格,太擠了。

1. but I hid them running down my face and..... --> but I hid them FROM running down....
2. ...my words melt his anger away --> melted 過去式

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P4.
I felt that I was so lucky to meet such a kind man to save me even though I was just a stranger for him.
1. ...I was just a stranger TO him.
2. 整句讀起來有些不順... I was so lucky. Why? (to) meet such a kind man,這部份算是已經解釋了Why I was so lucky. 現在後頭再來個同樣形態的不定詞 to save me,那麼這也是Why I was so lucky? 或者是Why/How I meet this kind man? 這種模糊不清的意思造成這句讀起來不順。不是錯,只是不順。

改進方法:
1. 去掉to save me,因為前文已經提了,而且重點在於He is a kind man
2. I felt I was so lucky to meet such a kind man and (to) be saved by him even though I was ...
(把kind man和 save當成兩件事來講,畢竟kind只是仁慈)

Also, it is better for us not to go swimming alone in case something emergent happening but no one is there to help us.

1. happening改成happens
...in case something emergent happens but.... (in case 在這裡接子句)
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