Tamshui(淡水)

Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

各位好,最近剛學寫作,如果有不當的用法和錯誤還請各位修正和指導!謝謝各位


Tamshui

Tamshui was once the largest port on the island. Today Tamshui is no longer a fishing village but has become a weekend famous spot with wonderful food, historic monuments, beautiful sceneries and lots of activities.

You would enjoy strolling along the edge of the water as it's lined with vendors and restaurants where there are lots of delicious foods, such as fish balls, squids barbecued or long ice creams. It has many historical sights, including Fort San Domingo , Yinshan Temple or Huwei Fort. You can see the beautiful scenery standing on Tamshui’s embankment while the sun sets in west. There are some vocal performances on weekend.

Because Tamshui is at the end of one of the main lines of the MRT, the street along the sea is tidy and the sea becomes more and more clear, it attracts many tourists to come. I think Tamshui will become more and more beautiful and more and more tourists visit there.
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

Tamshui, English writing, you must me an alumnus of “淡水某大學.” Call me “學長.”


Tamshui (That’s it?)

Tamshui was once the largest port on the island. Today(,) Tamshui is no longer a fishing village(, it) has become a weekend famous spot with wonderful food(s), historic monuments, beautiful sceneries and lots of activities.

You (can) enjoy strolling along the edge of the (river) as (it is) lined with vendors and restaurants(,) where there are lots of delicious foods, such as fish balls, barbecued squids or long(tall?) ice creams. It has many historical sights, including Fort San Domingo, Yinshan Temple (and) Huwei Fort. You can see the beautiful scenery standing on Tamshui’s (levee) while the sun sets in (the) west. There are some vocal performances on weekend(s).

Because Tamshui is at the end of one of the main lines of the MRT, the street (alongside) the sea is tidy and the sea (is getting) more and more (clean), it attracts many tourists (on every weekend). I think Tamshui will become more and more beautiful and more and more tourists (will) visit there.

1. Pretty good. Keep on trying.
2. Use synonyms.
tourists: visitors, people, those who look for a weekend escape
scenery: view, sight, picture, landscape
Tamshui: this small town, tourist attraction, home to fishermen, weekend getaway
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

Today Tamshui is no longer a fishing village ... . (o)
Today, Tamshui is no longer a fishing village ... . (o)
......................

today
(adv.)
at the present time; in these days: Today you seldom see horses.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/today
......................

(建議)
Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, ... .
http://www.trtc.com.tw/c/service.asp?ca ... 7%E8%A8%8A
.......................

Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, the street alongside the sea is tidy and the sea is getting more and more clean ; it attracts many tourists on every weekend.
.......................

Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, the street alongside the sea is tidy and the sea is getting more and more clean . Therefore it attracts many tourists on every weekend.

Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, the street alongside the sea is tidy and the sea is getting more and more clean and therefore it attracts many tourists on every weekend.
.........................

Tamshui was once the largest port on the island. Today Tamshui is no longer a fishing village, and it has become a weekend famous spot with wonderful foods, historic monuments, beautiful sceneries and lots of activities.

Tamshui was once the largest port on the island. Today Tamshui is no longer a fishing village ; it has become a weekend famous spot with wonderful foods, historic monuments, beautiful sceneries and lots of activities.

Tamshui was once the largest port on the island. Today Tamshui is no longer a fishing village . It has become a weekend famous spot with wonderful foods, historic monuments, beautiful sceneries and lots of activities.
....................

我修改的部分有任何不妥請不吝指正,謝謝。
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

Umm.....
Just one doubt -- I doubt "because + therefore" is a correct structure. In Chinese,
"因為+ 所以" is a proper sentence structure, but in English, the "therefore/so" following
the "because" in a sentence is redundant, as the "but" is in the "although + but"
structure.

We didn't enjoy the day because the weather was so awful. (Longman)
-> Because the weather was so awful, therefore we didn't enjoy the day.
-> Because The weather was so awful, therefore we didn't enjoy the day.

Although in poor health, but she continued to carry out her duties. (Longman)
-> Although She is in poor health, but she continued to carry out her duties.



(As I know grammar from A to B , I might be wrong.)
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, the street alongside the sea is tidy and the sea is getting more and more clean; it attracts many tourists on every weekend. (o)

Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, the street alongside the sea is tidy and the sea is getting more and more clean. Therefore it attracts many tourists on every weekend. (o)

Because Tamshui is at the end of the red line of the MRT, the street alongside the sea is tidy and the sea is getting more and more clean and therefore it attracts many tourists on every weekend. (x)
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

So, this is not good writing. Kerk, you have to rephrase it.

Is it (my understanding): Because (1)Tamshui is..., (2)the street is ... and (3)the sea is ..., (so) it attracts ...,

or (lyh's): Because Tamshui is..., (so) (1)the street is ... and (2)the sea is ...?

It causes confusion, so it is bad. Make it clear!
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

Actually it's good enough for a FIRST DRAFT. But of course a piece of writing could be better and better after a couple of revisions.

通常一本書要出版之前不是有一校、二校、三校嗎?如果擔任二校和三校的人不是在睡覺, 而是真正認真地校閱的話,最後的成品都會有一定的水準,甚至在水準之上。
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

Haha,exactly.

今天放假閑閑,讓學長來幫幫這個學弟!
寫作,我覺得修辭比文法重要,許多人的英文寫作,文法沒什麼錯,可是讀起來味同嚼蠟。多利用同義字,盡量別用直敘句,改用拐彎抹角的寫法,這樣文章比較吸引人。參考看看:

Tamshui, a small, charming town located on the northwest of Taiwan, was once the largest port on the island. Today, fishermen no longer sail their boats out to the sea chasing fishes, instead, they stay at the harbor preparing delicious foods to lure tourists. Each weekend, visitors from all over Taiwan flock to this village dotted with historic monuments and beautiful sceneries.

Walking on the levee alongside the Tamsui River, your face is caressed by the salty breeze coming from the sea while your nose tells you delicious foods, such as fish balls, barbecued squids, ice creams … etc., are just steps away, although you may find yourself hesitating as there are many street vendors and restaurants to choose from. After a good meal, you may want to immerse yourself in the historic atmosphere at Fort San Domingo , Yinshan Temple or Huwei Fort. When you are tired, watching the street performances is a good way to refresh yourself. Before the night comes, you’ll find the sky and clouds above are prettier than any other place as they are colored in red, orange and yellow by the setting sun.

Traveling to Tamshui is easier than before as the red line of the MRT takes you there in just about 50 minutes from Taipei. Thanks to the government, the streets there are tidier and the river is cleaner, which make your journey more enjoyable. When you need a weekend escape, Tamshui is the place you don’t want to miss.


?????愈寫愈覺得像觀光局的廣告…..%$@%#
不玩了。
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

各位好請問為什麼(1)要改成(2)呢?
還有可以用(3)嗎?

(1)The sea becomes more and more clean.
(2)The sea is getting more and more clean.

(3)the sea is becoming more and more clean
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Re: Tamshui(淡水)

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:56 pm

這是我個人意見,你參考看看。
(1),(2),(3)都對,只是依照Longman上"become"這字的用法註解,是有提到
" get is very often used instead of become, and is more usual in spoken English"

所以剩下的只是"style"以及整體來說好不好的問題。

我個人的感想是這句"The sea(還是river? 應該是指淡水河吧) becomes more and more clean"的言外之意是"It's not clean yet",如果已經是"clean",那麼就沒有所謂的"more and more clean"。既然還沒到"clean"的地步,用這來宣傳似乎不大適當(對一個從未到過淡水的外國遊客來說,一個還在"清潔中"的地點似乎不大能引起去的慾望....)
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