My Halloween in America

My Halloween in America

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 2:05 pm

Please help me to correct the mistakes of my article. Thank you a lot!
Topic:My Halloween in America
I have had my first Halloween in America. I had a good time. I saw many people decorated their house. Some people put the pumpkin and jack’o lanterns on front their porch. Parents bought different costumes for children. Young children wore their costumes to go to school. After school they wait parents to pick them from house to house to ask for candy. My husband’s associate told him “I will leave early today because I have to pick up my daughters to ask for candy.” About at 6:00pm children began to go from house in their neighborhoods. Everyone turned on their light on the porch. I have prepared some fruit and candy. The first child was ringing door bells. Then I opened the door and saw a young child wore animal costume. She is cute as cat as. She said “Trick or treat.” I took my bag and asked her which one do you like? She picked a big apple. She was very happy and thanks for me. I was very happy, too. I asked her take a picture with me. I send the photograph to my family. Halloween is an interesting and fanny day.
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Re: My Halloween in America

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 2:05 pm

> I have had my first Halloween in America.

I had..... 這裡不要用現在完成式,因為和後頭的過去式不一致

> I saw many people decorated their house.

decorating

> Some people put the pumpkin and jack’o lanterns on front their porch.

pumpkins ..... on front of their porches.


> Parents bought different costumes for children.

for their children. 在意思上用their來限定是前頭所提的parents的children,讓意思明確。

> Young children wore their costumes to go to school.

Young children (even) showed up at their schools wearing costumes.

>After school they wait parents to pick them from house to house to ask for candy.

pick意思不對。即使是用pick them up from house to house,意思是"孩子們在每個房子前,然後父母一個個去帶他們"
...they waited their parents to accompany them to houses to ask for candies.

> My husband’s associate told him “I will leave early today because I have to pick up my daughters to ask for candy.”

> About at 6:00pm children began to go from house in their neighborhoods.

About 6:00 pm 或是 At 6:00 pm 兩個介系詞不要連在一起
...to go to houses...

> Everyone turned on their light on the porch.

porches

> I have prepared some fruit and candy.

I prepared.... ... candies(表示多樣)

> The first child was ringing door bells. Then I opened the door and saw a young child wore animal costume.

第一句單獨寫沒問題,但是和前後連在一起就有些怪,最好把背景情節交代清楚。

I also prepared some fruit and candies, then I heard the door bell, so I opened the door and saw a young kid wearing an animal costume. She was the first one coming to my door.

把這整句當成看電影,在腦海裡逐字想像這些畫面,隨著情節發展,這樣子是否順多了? 你也可以自己調整修改。

> She is cute as cat as.
She was as cute as a cat.

(要出門了,回來再繼續)
------------------------

> I took my bag and asked her which one do you like?
..and asked her, "Which one do you like?"

> She was very happy and thanks for me.
....and thanked me.

> I asked her take a picture with me.
...to take a..

> I send the photograph to my family.

> Halloween is an interesting and fanny day.

funny? 改成fun
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文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am


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