My Hometown

My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:06 pm

Please give me some comments,Dij . Thanks

My Hometown

I lived in a very beautiful little town named Tain Wei in Chunghwa. It has a nicked name, “Highway Garden.” Taian Wei may sounds not so familiar to you but from the nicked name, I think it won’t be difficult for you to know where I lived. Yes, I lived in a place where people grew a lot of beautiful flowers and trees. Though it’s a little town, it’s one of the popular sightseeing spot in Taiwan now.

There are many stylish tea houses and dreamy garden in Tai Wei. But I want to introuduce one of my favorite place here. It’s the road in front of my father’s flower shop “Min-Sheng Road.” Min-Sheng Road is a long straight road with pretty special designed street lamp on both of its side. But I think the name Min-Shen is not suitable for its unforgetable sunset, I gave it a nicked name “ The Road of Nile.” Every afternoon, my mom , sister and I are used to take a walk down this road, and the most wonderful and exciting thing for us is to see the big beautuful sun goes down at the end of the road. The gentle breeze bings us the fragrance of the flowers from gardens . The golden sunshine made our hair shimmer. We felt just like Cleopatra walking along the Nile in Egypt!

You may wonder what we can do at night in such a small town. Besides sitting , chatting and drinking flower tea at the stylish tea houses. We can also go the the field to see the “Light Bulb Sea.” What is the Light Bulb Sea? It’s another special scenery in Tai Wei. To control the growth of chrysanthemums, the farmer used the light bulb to make them grew quickly. At night, they light all the bulbs and that’s what we called “Light Bulb Sea.”

Wanna know more about the traditional house we lived in Tai Wei? That will be another story!
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:06 pm

Dear alexia

"A variety of flowers,sunset,country road and friendly people live in traditionl house." the beautiful town is like my hometown. That remained me of my good old days.

I look forward to your story going on.
awesome alexia
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:06 pm

Dij..是指我吧 :)

整體來說,這篇寫的非常好,不管是內容,結構,佈局都是上上之選。

可是喔,你沒有proofread喔,有錯字,還有你的town的名字也出現多處前後不一致的拼法。

關於錯字,請用有拼字檢查的軟體寫你的作文,比如MS Word或是OpenOffice( www.openoffice.org免費)

另外就是在整篇的時態一致性上要加強。從第一段來看你是"過去"住在your town。(於是我在想也許你的後文會提到你現在不住在那了, but no)。後面的幾段你又用"現在式"提到你現在在那個town的情形。所以我還是不清楚你目前是不是住在那裡(或是週末回家??) No ideas...

修改後你可以直接按"編輯"來update,然後說一聲,我再幫你看。
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:06 pm

<<原發表者alexialo 發表時間: 2005-08-20 03:31 >>

Hi, DJ~~
對不起喔!拼錯你的名字~~~其實呀~~~我有PROOFREAD耶~~~呃~~不過我是注重在時式的部份啦!沒想到還是不行~~哀~~因為呀地名打那麼多次自信不會錯結果~~~~~慘不忍睹!真的真的很謝謝你的建議! 這是修訂版~~可否麻煩你再幫我看一下呢? 謝謝~~^^

My Hometown

I lived in a very beautiful little town named Tian Wei in Changhua. It has a nickname, "Highway Garden". Tian Wei may sound not very familiar to you but from the nickname, I think it won’t be difficult for you to envision what where I lived looks like. Yes, I lived in a place where people grew a lot of beautiful flowers and trees. Though being a little town, it’s one of the popular sightseeing spot in Taiwan now.

There are many stylish tea houses and dreamy gardens in Tian Wei. But I want to introuduce one of my favorite places here. It’s the road in front of my father’s flower shop, namely Min-Sheng Road. It is a long straight road with pretty specially designed street lamp on its both sides. As I think the name Min-Shen is not suitable to stand for its unforgetable sunset, I gave it a nickname “ The Road of Nile”. Every afternoon, my mom, my sister and I used to take a walk down this road, and the most wonderful and exciting thing for us was to see the big beautiful sun go down at the end of the road. The gentle breeze brought us the fragrance of the flowers from the gardens. The golden sunshine made our hair shimmer. We felt just like Cleopatra walking along the Nile in Egypt!

You may wonder what we can do at night in such a small town. Besides sitting, chatting, and drinking flower tea at the stylish tea houses, we could also go to the field to see the “Light Bulb Sea”. What was the Light Bulb Sea? It was another special scenery in Tian Wei. To control the growth of chrysanthemums, the farmer used the light bulb to make them grow quickly. At night, they lighted up all the bulbs and that was what we called “Light Bulb Sea”.

I still live in Tian Wei now. I can't image I will leave here one day! Wanna know more about the traditional house we lived in Tian Wei? That will be another story!
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文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am

Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:06 pm

alexialo, 我把你的修訂版搬到這,因為仍是同一篇所以不需要另開一個討論串。

(偷偷說,我順便copy&paste到 OpenOffice的Writer,還是有顯示出兩個錯字喔) 我自己在proofread時,至少3次,一陣子後會自己再讀個一次(因為有的錯誤或是用法在當時會察覺不出來)

新的這篇我已經看過了,只是有點晚,明天再寫comments....
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:06 pm

Your hometown is also mine. ^^

I know many families lo by the two side of the Min sheng road, and my home is near that road.

(上面英語應該有寫錯 ^^)
ps.剛剛找到錯誤
I should write as "on the Min-sheng road"

Nice to meet you in this website.
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:07 pm

ras0314:
Really!? You do!? Maybe we are realatives,ras! By the way, would you like to write an essay about it, too? That would be really nice!

ps. Thank you for reading my essay!
ps.2 Nice to meet you, too. Hope can meet you at chat room some day!
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:07 pm

引文:
alexialo 寫道:
ps. What can I do with my poor spelling? sigh~~~~

Did you read my first reply?

> 關於錯字,請用有拼字檢查的軟體寫你的作文,比如MS Word或是OpenOffice( www.openoffice.org免費)

我猜測你可能有看到。如果你是想練"不靠拼字檢查"的寫字,那麼私底下你可以這樣子做,比如先在普通的notepad(WinXX內附的 筆記本 軟體)打,這樣子就沒有拼字檢查,只是貼到這裡時還是請先copy&paste到有拼字檢查的軟體訂正好錯字

---
先講大範圍的。第1,2,3段整體上寫得不錯,尤其是過去和現在式的掌握算是不錯的了(稍後解釋),只是第四段開頭是大敗筆。

在時態的一致性上,常有學生把"一致"搞錯成"全部時態都一樣"。事實上"一致"這兩個字是偷懶的說法,因為這兩個字在中文意思上其實有些模糊。什麼是時態一致?簡單的說就是讀者在讀整篇文章時不會對裡頭時間的描述產生錯亂的感覺。以你的第一段來說,當你描述單純的過去事件時你用過去式(比如I lived in a ...town),然後描述你住的鎮時用現在式(It has a nickname...這表示這是事實,現在仍是如此),然後整段"統一"這樣子用(過去的個人事件用過去式,現在仍是事實的town的描述用現在式),這個"統一性"就是"一致"。只是第3段結尾對於"Light Bulb Sea"這個你的town的特色描述時用了過去式,這和你前頭的使用產生衝突(註1)(讀者-我-讀到這時會搞糊塗,是以前才有這Light Bulb Sea然後現在沒有?但是前頭好像有提到這個town是觀光景點之一,那麼這個Light Bulb Sea現在不是觀光景點囉),於是在對於你的town的時態描述上產生了不一致。我只能猜測你這樣子寫是為了和前頭的"What was the LBS?"一致。一個寫法是把後頭那句改成It was, and still is, another special...。或者乾脆把What was the LBS?改成現在式。

再來是對於你的個人生活描述。本來你都是用過去式(所以讀者-我-在讀到第三段時,我以為你是...比如小時候住在那),但是到了第四段又變成了"I still live in...now",這就產生了很大的"時間性"上的衝突,也是對於你個人描述上的時態不一致。

對於文裡的的細部,有些單複數名詞沒寫好,比如第一段的...spot --> spots。另外就是一些修飾辭彙可以再改一下,比如 ...to envision <what where> I lived looks like. 這裡的what where靠得太近,雖然where可以和後頭的I lived整個構成一個名詞子句,但是整個讀起來有些awkward.還有就是As I think....I gave....時態不大一致,用As也不大好。

-----
註1: 如頭前頭說的"描述你住的鎮時用現在式(It has a nickname...這表示這是事實,現在仍是如此)",然而遇到不是現在事實的關於你住的鎮的描述時是要用過去式,只是要加上適當的辭彙把這情況交代清楚,不然的話在時態上的語意仍是不清楚。
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Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:07 pm

Hello, DJ

我又來了~~~這次我有proofread~~我還請朋友幫我檢查有無錯字~~我還放了2-3個禮拜每天看一次有無錯字~~所以再有錯字(因該是沒有~但我深深相信做人別太鐵齒...)那我眼睛肯定是"脫窗"了! 關於時勢的部分我也做了一些修改~~結尾部分我也有稍微修正~~可以請你再幫我看一下嗎? (小聲說~國父革命11次才成功~~這篇文章我改了三次~~相信我還有努力的空間~~) 這次也請你,glot及其他英文高手們多指教了 ^^ (緊張....)
Alexia

My Hometown

I live in a very beautiful little town named Tian Wei in Chunghwa. It has a nickname, “Highway Garden.” Tian Wei may sounds not so familiar to you but from the nickname, I think it won’t be difficult for you to know where I live. Yes, I live in a place where people grow a lot of beautiful flowers and trees. Though being a little town, it’s one of the popular sightseeing spots in Taiwan now.

There are many stylish tea houses and dreamy garden in Tiam Wei. But I would like to introuduce you one of my favorite place here. It’s the road in front of my father’s flower shop namely “Min-Sheng Road.” Min-Sheng Road is a long straight road with pretty specially designed street lamps on its both sides. But I think the name Min-Shen is not suitable to stand for its unforgetable sunset, I gave it a nickname “ The Road of Nile.” Every afternoon, my mom , sister and I are used to take a walk down this road, and the most wonderful and exciting thing for us is to see the big beautuful sun goes down at the end of the road. The gentle breeze bings us the fragrance of the flowers from gardens . The golden sunshine makes our hair shimmer. We feel just like Cleopatra walking along the Nile in Egypt!

You might wonder what we can do at night in such a small town. Besides sitting , chatting and drinking flower tea at the stylish tea houses. We can also go the the field to see the “Light Bulb Sea.” What is the Light Bulb Sea? It’s another special scenery in Tian Wei. To control the growth speed of chrysanthemums, the farmers use the light bulbs to make them grow quickly. At night, they lighten all the bulbs and that’s what we call “Light Bulb Sea.”

I am found of my sweet little town and I ca’t imagine I will leave my hometown some day. Wanna know more about the traditional house we live in Tian Wei? That will be another story!
Site Admin
 
文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am

Re: My Hometown

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:07 pm

呵呵,果然猜到了。其實你只要把Word的拼字檢查的功能關掉,等你自己打好檢查完後再把拼字檢查功能打開,這樣子就不用貼來貼去。

長期用有拼字檢查的軟體確實是有些"副作用",比如有天我帶我爸去看醫生,在填資料時,有一項是他吃的食物,然後我"居然"忘了lettuce(寫到let....然後就不大確定了)怎麼拼,因為平常用拼字檢查,即使拼錯字也無所謂,導致有些字的拼法忘了。有個從書上看到的笑話(作者說是true story)是,某個經理用Word打了封信,但是被指出寫錯字,應該是fare,不是fair,他很不相信的說"怎麼可能,我有用spell check啊!"

有的會員可能會想問那麼為什麼我還要這麼要求呢?很簡單,因為我不是拼字檢查軟體。It's not my job. 所以我才會說"私底下練習"云云。
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