Can someone please take time for me to modify some of paragraphs of my autobiograph. Thanks

Can someone please take time for me to modify some of paragraphs of my autobiograph. Thanks

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 3:14 am

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My hobbies and interest
When I was a little girl, I liked playing “Go” and “Chess” with my brother and cousins; But now I don’t like playing that. Nowadays, I like reading books, magazines, newspaper and sometimes going to have afternoon tea with friends; surely sometimes go movies. For keeping my figure and health, I do exercise in the morning around 4 times a week. The more important interest is learning English. After I graduated from school, I had ever learned English in cram school around 8 years ago, This situation was lasted about 3 years. After that, I study English by myself with studio classroom magazine till now. I had known that language and computer would be extremely important to us in the future. So, I started to learn it since long ago; And fortunately, It is never too late for me to follow the step of times. In addition, I had ever joined the test of GEPT-intermediate lever first test for 4 times, but always failed. This year on March , I had ever attended GEPT---primary lever first test, Fortunately, I just passed it, So that I could be able to attend the second test on April 2.

My wishes
I am so keen to learn knowledge and languages since I graduated from school so long; I love to learn something which are new and fresh, and never refuse. Even I am not that young alike young people, Yet also Have not much good memory as youth do. But to memorize it again and again is what the good way I need to do. I never give up. Recently, I had learned from my friend; said that XXX University want to enroll new students, It made me awfully cheerful. I knew It is surely a good chance for me to promote both of my knowledge and language skill from this school. Yet I also like broad my society with people, It would be so fun and joyful. If I have the chance to be selected by Sirs, It would be certainly my great honor, And I will do my best being a good student to not making my professors disappointed. Thank you so much for taking your time reading it.


___________10.March.2005 wrote by XXX
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Re: Can someone please take time for me to modify some of paragraphs of my autobiograph. Thanks

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 3:14 am

關於內容上的增修你可以看另一篇gina的回答,我就不多說了。這裡我只針對文章裡頭的文法錯誤做說明。一些動詞,受詞,主詞,介系詞這些的我相信如果你自己再檢查一遍(proofread)應該可以再挑出一些(比如go TO movies),以下我只列一些"大"一點的文法錯誤。

你文裡頭用了相當多的過去完成式以及 had ever + 過去分詞 的錯誤用法。
1. 過去完成式的使用時機是為了說明一個 "過去動作" **之前** "已經完成的動作",換一個方式來說,是為了點明"兩個動作發生的時間順序",必需要有兩個時態才行(過去式和過去完成式在同一個句子),過去完成式不能單獨使用(除非前文已經說明了過去時間,然後單獨使用的過去完成式仍是在敘述同一件事)。還有一個就是在同一個子句裡頭如果你用了代表過去的時間副詞(...8 years ago),這子句就只能用過去式,不能用過去完成式。

比如:

a. 單一句子
He had finished the job before his mother returned.
(時間上had finished先完成) ...................(然後returned才發生)
用before來輔助說明兩個動作的時間順序。前面的子句不能單獨寫(錯誤: He had finished the job.),要單獨寫的話就直接用過去式(He finished the job),因為單獨一個動詞不需要比較時間順序。

b. 有前後文時,然後過去完成式要單獨使用
Adam's father sold the farm and moved back to Utah in 1974. Adam had finished his school that year. He continued to.......
第二句裡頭had finished是唯一的動詞時態(過去完成式),這點明了那年(1974)之前Adam已經完成了學業而不是還在讀或是其他。然後"that year"把這一句和前一句在意思上(和時間上)銜接起來。

以你的句子來說:
I had known that language.....
第一個就是時態上的錯誤,第二就是即使這是以上例的b寫法來寫,你這句在意思上會變成"你過去某個時間之前知道 xxx 但是之後就不知道 xxx 了"。如果只是要單純的描述過去事件就直接用過去式。第三如果還是要這樣子用就是你還需要再加些修飾辭彙把這一句和前一句在意思上和時間上銜接起來。

c. 代表過去的時間副詞(ago... yesterday....等等)
...., I had ever learned English in cram school around 8 years ago
這子句裡頭用了8 years ago,所以動詞只能用過去式(.., I learned English.....)。過去式本身就有"曾經"的意思在裡頭。



2. 對於後者你可以看這篇:
http://www.english.com.tw/modules/wordp ... x.php?p=69



3. _10.March.2005 wrote by XXX
written by XXX (正式在寄給學校時不要這樣子寫)
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註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am


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