[請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

[請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:54 pm

各位好,以下次我申請專案的自我介紹,請大家有空幫我做個修改,非常感謝喔^^

Dear Parents,

I feel very glad to attend this program and shall begin with my sell-introduction. I am twenty-four years old. I was born in Taichung, Taiwan. There are five members in my family. I am the eldest child in my family. Besides my parents and me, I still have a younger sister and younger brother. My families are so wonderful that I love them so much.

My father is a construct engineer and my mother is a housewife good at cooking, my younger sister and brother are students. I completed elementary, junior and senior high school in Taichung City. In 2000, I entered XXXX University and graduated in 2004 with a bachelor degree in XXX. There are a lot of memories in my mind during undergraduate program such as beautiful campus, friendly professors and classmates. In addition, there were many useful classes that I always remember from bottom of my heart.

Speaking of my first part-time job, I think that my impressive performance in interview had helped me to get a part-time attendant position at the publisher, Tainan during my first year of university. I learned a lot from this job including communicate with the clients, solve all kinds of problems and accounting management. Then I served as a kindergarten teacher. I love children very much. It was my first time to take care children. It required a lot of patience and love when I look after them. Everything must be done carefully.

After graduation, I went to the XXX English Center as a formal receptionist who often had to contact with the customers that I had gained a lot of techniques in communication and public relationship. Since childhood I’ve been taught by my parents to make friends with people around and keep good manners in public. Besides, I learn the importance of helping people out with they need it most by doing my job. In 2006, my second job is a Chinese teacher in the well-known English Educational Institute, Kid Castle. I had responsibilities to teach them how to be a manner child, and how to adapt easily to be a first grade student. I was not only their teacher, but also their school mother.

From picked up teaching books, lessons arrangement, and teaching practice, I spared no efforts to complete whole teaching process. I combined stories, music, and games in Chinese teaching plan, which can make children happily to learn their mother tongue. I saw children’s smile and made progress step by step in the class, which was my resource of achievement. “Teacher and the student can profit each other.” I had good interaction with not only children but also their parents. There were many valuable experiences that I learned from the kindergarten.

I like to read each kind of books. I think reading could enlarge my knowledge. I also love to listen to pop music, watch movies, traveling and go swimming in my spare time. Through music listening and moving watching, I can sometimes pick up some new words and useful phrases, and know more about American culture. Besides all the above, I love to watch sitcom programs as well. Sometimes watch this program is just for relaxing but sometimes I watch them for learning English.

My mood is very exciting and nervous. This means that I should be stronger and braver while facing the new environment. Under the support and bless of my family, I believe I can finish this one-year program. I will have my full responsibilities for this mission. And there is going to have a happy memory and experience when I look back in my life.

Thank you for reading my letter, I wish to hear back from your family soon.
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Re: [請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:54 pm

My name is XXXXX.
I am glad to be here (或者 I am glad to be part of the program.) Now, let me tell you more about myself. I was born in Taichung, Taiwan, and I am twenty-four years old. There are five members in my family, my father, mother, a sister, a brother and me, and I am the eldest child. I have a wonderful family and I love them very much.

My father is a construction engineer (建築工程師?), and my mother is a housewife and also a good cooker. Both my younger sister and brother are students. I completed elementary, middle and high schools in Taichung City. In the Year 2000, I entered XXXX University and graduated in 2004 with a bachelor degree in XXX. It was a great time during my undergraduate years and filled with many pleasant memories, such as the beautiful campus, friendly classmates and professors, and those useful classes. ...............................................

Thank you for your time, and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

我僅稍微修改 1, 2 段和結語. 建議讀一遍, 然後自己試著再修改其他段落.

還有, 不知你這篇專案自傳是 letter, speech or 其他用途? 因為, 不同的用途與對象, 其寫法及語氣會稍微有點不同. 寫作 -- 中英皆同, 注意"起,承,轉,合"及"前因後果". You will do just fine! 加油!
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Re: [請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:54 pm

本站十分重視標題的明確性,切勿使用 大家救救我、help、help me、need help 等,不明確性的標題。除此之外,標題也不用加上一些不必要的語氣詞,例如:請教各位高手們 ...、我是新手來求救...。這些全是贅詞,不僅對解決您的問題沒有幫助之外,同時也破壞版面的完整性。

如果你發覺你的標題被修改了,不要緊張,那是暫時性的,你還是可以在自己的貼文處下方點選"編輯"然後自行改成你自己認為意思更明確更適合的標題,或是直接用我們幫你改的"暫時性"標題。

標題的目的是為了方便管理以及日後辨識,所以請盡量使用簡潔的內容。一些禮貌性的用詞可以放在內文的第一行,比如

標題: this is a book 的book

內文:
請教各位高手們,幫我解答這問題 ^^

...<問題內容>...
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Re: [請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:54 pm

謝謝mayflower的修改,果然1,2段現在感覺順多了..這是要申請國外一個專案用的,以寫一封信信的形式來寫,可以不用太正式
不過,信剩下的部分雖然我努力修改很多次,還是覺得不順,所以還煩請大家繼續幫忙,謝謝各位喔^^
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Re: [請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:54 pm

終於修改好了, 其實妳的寫作能力還不錯, 而且可以寫這麼多, 不簡單. You must love your job very much! 繼續加油!

幾個要點提醒:
1. 寫作時, 每個段落首句要空 5 spaces. 句與句間要 2 spaces.
2. 文中不要有簡稱 abbr., 除非有此必要. ex. 不要寫 can't, isn't..... (除非是朋友, 家人間一般書信)
3. 字句間的連接.
4. 繼續努力 k 英文, 多吸收一些習慣用法.

也謝謝妳, 因為幫妳修改, 我也受益. 正如妳寫的 "教學相長".

I started working on part time when I was at school, and it is a good way to strengthen my experience and knowledge. (解釋為何要做 part-time 的工作, 以引導下面的發展) Speaking of my first part-time job, it happened during my first year at the university and was a part-time attendant position at a publisher in Tainan. The reason that I got this job is because of my impressive performance during the interview. I think a well-prepared job interview is a big help. (稍加解釋為何 impressive) I learn a lot from this job, and the skills that I have gained include communicating with the clients, solving all kinds of problems and accounting management. After the first part-time job, I got another teaching job at a kindergarten. Because I love children very much, I love this job, too. It was my first time to take care of children. Working with children requires a lot of love and patience. When I looked after them, everything must be done carefully.

After graduation, I worked in the XXX English Center as a formal receptionist who often has to contact with the customers. When I was little, my parents have taught me to make friends with other people and keep good manners in public. I always keep these in mind and use at school and work. From my work, I gain a lot of techniques in communication and public relationship, and also learn the importance of helping others when they need the help most. My second job was a Chinese teacher in the well-known English educational institute, Kid Castle, in 2006. I taught the kids how to behave and have a good manner as well as how to adapt to the transition easily for being a first grader. I was not only their teacher, but also their school mom. (你很有愛心, 看了好感動!)

I was very devoted to the entire teaching process from picked up the books, arranging the lessons and teaching practice. I combined stories, music and games in Chinese teaching, which makes children happy to learn their mother tongue. I saw children’s smiles and saw them making progress step by step in the class. I also had a good interaction with both children and their parents. These are all my greatest reward and achievement, and I have learned many valuable lessons from being a kindergarten teacher. It is true that "The teacher and the student can profit from each other." ( Good one!)


I like to read various kinds of books, and reading could enlarge (應該用 broaden or deepen) my knowledge. I also love to listen to the pop music, watch movies, travel and go swimming in my spare time. Through the music and movies, I can learn some new words and useful phrases, know more about American culture, and I love to watch sitcom (建議不要用簡稱, situation comedy) programs as well. Sometimes, watching these programs is not just for relaxation, but also for learning English.

I feel very exciting and nervous sometimes when I face a new environment. This means that I should be much braver and stronger under any kind of situations. With the support and bless of my family, I believe that I can finish this one year program. I will put all my efforts into this mission, and this will be a happy memory and great experience when I look back in my life.


Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Site Admin
 
文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am

Re: [請教]英文自傳修改: Lavinwang

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 4:55 pm

超級感謝mayflower的修改,看見你幫我修過的文章我真的鬆了一口氣,覺得安心很多,你的小提醒我都記住了,我會繼續加油的^^
thanks a lot...
love u so much!!
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文章: 31478
註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am


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