我的個人觀點,請指正及提供您的意見,謝謝..

我的個人觀點,請指正及提供您的意見,謝謝..

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 5:00 pm

Question:
Traffic jams are now a major problem in most cities. However, it seems that people are not prepared to give up their cars and use other forms of transport.
Discuss the reasons for these two situations and suggest how the situation might be improved or resolved.


In most modern and busy cities, traffic jam is a serious problem, especially in the rush hours. It causes problems around the world, such as air pollution and harmful to our health. In this essay, I would like to investigate these problems and suggest how the problem could be resolved.

Traffic jam is happened in most cities. During the time, the cars emission lots of harmful carbon dioxide and makes air pollution so much. People also suffer from this situation to harmful their body health. When people suffer from the traffic jam, it is not only waste their time also spend their money from the petrol. The more traffic jams, the more bad health conditions. We breathe from the air, however, much harmful substance spread into the sky.

But, people still drive cars instead of by public transportation. Most people think of that driving a car mean they have better position in the world and it is more convenient. They can go anywhere and do not need to wait for the transport. Most of these senses come from the advertisement very much and the car’s price does not very expensive so that people can afford it. On the other hand, using public transportation it seems not better than driving a car. It could be included some reasons, for instance, if the timetable is not accuracy, especially during the rush hour, it is really bother people so much. Too many people line a queue to wait for the bus, even the transportation comes, people sometimes can not find any seats so that they have to stand up until their destination.

In my opinion, the best way to reduce the traffic jam and air pollution is taking the public transportation. However, the government needs to improve the services. Add frequency timetable during the rush hour and more transportation so that people can have more chance to choose. Make sure the transportation can come on time. Broadcast the air pollution will make people illness and harmful to the world. Increase the petrol fee so that people will think about economical way is by the public transportation.
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Re: 我的個人觀點,請指正及提供您的意見,謝謝..

台灣英語網1.0 » 週五 8月 21, 2015 5:00 pm

In most modern and busy cities, traffic jam is a serious problem, especially in the rush hours. It causes problems around the world, such as air pollution and harmful something? to our health.(*1) In this essay, I would like to investigate these problems and suggest how the problem could be resolved.

(*1) 以空氣污染來說,污染源不是來自"交通阻塞"。"交通阻塞"不是物體,無法"製造"污染...


Traffic jam is happened (*1) in most cities. During the time (*2), the cars emission lots of -> emit a lot of harmful carbon dioxide(*3) and makes air pollution so much (*4). People also suffer from this situation to harmful that can their body health (或是單用their health, 或是直接改成 that can harm them.). When people suffer from the traffic jam, it is not only wastes their time but also spend their money from the petrol -> causes them to spend more money on petrol(or gasoline/gas (美式)).  The more traffic jams, the more bad health conditions. We breathe from the air, however, much harmful substance spread into the sky(*5).

(*1) "is happening" or "exists"?
(*2) What's "the" time? 也許改成 During rush hours
(*3) carbon dioxide無毒,所以不該搭配harmful
(*4) 也許改成  , which(指 CO2) makes (something) worse.
(*5) 和前一子句的邏輯上的關係是什麼?



But, people still drive cars instead of by -> taking public transportation. Most people think of that driving a car means they have better position(?) in the world and it is more convenient. They can go anywhere and do not need to wait for the public transport ation(*1). Most of these senses come from the advertisemen ts very much ,(加個逗號以和前頭的意思區隔開) and the car’s price does -> is not very expensive so that people can afford it. On the other hand, using public transportation it seems not -> does not seem (to be) better than driving a car. It could be included some reasons (?) , for instance, if the timetable is not accuracy (*2), especially during the rush hour, it is really bothers people so much (*3). Too many people line a queue to wait ... bus -> stay in line and wait for their buses, even the transportation comes -> when they come, people sometimes can not find any seats so that they have to stand up until their destination .

(*1) transport(英式表達法); transportation(美式) 整篇最好統一用一種。
(*2) 也許改成-> "if the schedule is not on time"
(*3) "..., it bothers people very much" or ", it really bothers people" 強化語氣用的字眼不需要重複使用


In my opinion, the best way to reduce the traffic jam and air pollution is to take the public transportation. However, the government needs to improve the services. Add frequency timetable -> more services(?) during the rush hour and more transportation so that people can have more chance to choose -> options. Make sure the transportation can come -> the schedule is on time. Broadcast the air pollution index/information(?) will make people illness and harmful to the world. Increase the petrol fee so that people will think that a more economical way is by to take the public transportation.


幾個注意的地方:
1. 詞性: 你用了相當多的 be 動詞 + 動詞
2. 動詞與主詞的一致性: 主詞為第三人稱單數時,動詞要做變化
3. 單字的字義/用法: 比如這是錯誤用法: "the transportation comes",這要多查字典,把單字的意思和用法弄清楚。我建議查 Longman ONLINE ,因為這是為英語學習者設計的字典,字義解說比較容易懂,也列了很多的慣用表示法,會標英式/美式,等等

也可以參考這篇:(有關用Google找慣用表示法的部分)
http://dunchee.english.tw/post/18/1697
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註冊時間: 週六 8月 15, 2015 3:05 am


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