可以給我一些自傳建議嗎?

[catrin]

I often participate in activities of table game society during the period of university.which is a opportunity let me make friends from different department and become outgoing .also.during Fourth year of university.I participate in XXX that make me have got a lot of knowledge about process of international logistics and document management form supervisors of logistic.after graduation.I started striving to study english and japanese on myown.tests not only help me keep vocabulary and grammar in mind,but also improve my listening comprehension.I have long been interacting with some Americans by going to the church. With such a rare and helpful opportunity, I have a chance to reinforce speaking and communication skills. moreover. I am looking for fellows who have the target in common with me to assemble a study group on the Net to use English in practice, not just face the screen or text books

在校時經由參與桌遊社團活動,認識了很多其他科系的同學們,使我愛好人群之間的互動,且參加XXX,在大四的兩個學期裡,獲得許多物流業界先進的指導,幫助我了解國際物流的作業流程,以及相關文件的相關知識,畢業後透過網路自學英語和日語,參加檢定考試不止使我熟記單字和文法,也幫助我熟悉生活中的聽力,並在網路上尋找共同目標的同儕,相約組成讀書會,彼此之間交流外語相關,透過參加教會的活動,獲得了能和英語系國家的人,可以實際互動的難得機會,增強了外語口說的溝通能力,同時也拓展了人際溝通的能力,而不是單單只面對螢幕或書本

請問我的英文.中文錯地離譜嗎?希望能得到各位的幫助

謝謝

[Dunchee MA]

I often ̶P̶a̶r̶ticipate in activities of table game society d̶u̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶i̶o̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶u̶n̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶i̶t̶y̶.w̶h̶i̶c̶h̶ is a opportunity let me make friends from different department and

字母大小寫和標點符號問題:

Participate不是句子開頭第一個字，第一個字母不應該大寫。

或是應該是開頭第一個字(你之後的內容)，第一個字母卻沒有大寫。

“which is”前頭是句號還是逗號？是句號的話，那麼除了句號後要空格，第一個字母也應該是大寫。不過問題不及於此。

中式英文:

“during the period of university” : 看樣子你是直接中翻英。這不行。

到書局買本如何寫英文自傳的書回來讀，幾百塊的投資，這對你日後能賺到的錢來說很划得來的。

[catrin]

那改成"when I was a student at 123 university 取代 "during the period of university"可以嗎?


另外我手上有本眾文 作者:何誠信 199X年出的"美式自傳",那本的自傳內容較接近我的,反而依據那本來看的話,其他人的像在寫小說.....
為何會這樣?

謝謝


另外 ,我個人有些精神上的困擾,所以只能讀英式英語的單字書,偏偏劍橋出的vocabulary單字書字都好少.感覺連2500都不到....有沒有別的適合的書呢?

[Dunchee MA]

1. 可以
2. I don't know. 美國商業界職場求職沒有寫自傳這事。(教育界的需求不一樣)
3. I don't know.