[自己寫的]Euthanasia - 英文文章分析討論板 - 英語討論區
[自己寫的]Euthanasia - 英文文章分析討論板 - 英語討論區
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[自己寫的]Euthanasia
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             Euthanasia

  Euthanasia is a controversial subject and has been discussed for a long time. Nancy J. Osgood pointed out that euthanasia has the same meaning with genocide, murder, mercy killing, death with dignity, right to die, and painless inducement of death. From the standpoint of medical professions ourselves, this issue of euthanasia could not be seriously considered much more to make the most appropriate determination.

  Proponents have several reasons for voluntary euthanasia; choice, quality of life, resources, and pressure are the most common. They emphasize that choice is a fundamental principle for liberal democracies and people have the right to choose a death of pride. Sometimes, mercy killing is necessary to get high quality of life while the pain and suffering a patient feels a living death, despite having the strongest potency of analgesic, can be incomprehensible to a person who has not gone through it. With a shortage of hospital space, they also maintain hospital beds be used for people whose lives could be saved but continue the life of those who want to die. Moreover, not can most families, especially without fully medical insurance, afford the high cost of medical care. To reduce the economical pressure of their families, incurable patients always seek to die even using painful methods such as hanging.

  By contrast, opponents argue that voluntary euthanasia should not be allowed because of professional roles, moral, theology, and necessity. They point that the professional roles of health care employees could unduly compromise themselves, especially physicians who have sworn the Hippocratic Oath: “To please no one will I prescribe a deadly drug nor give advice which may cause his death...” Besides, some people treat euthanasia as a type of suicide which is morally unacceptable. And many Christians believe that all human life is sacred, a wonderful and even miraculous creation of the divine God, and every effort must be made to save and preserve it whenever possible. The most important gist is who can make sure a patient’s illness is not or will not soon be curable, thus what medical personnel should necessarily do is attempting to bring about a cure or engage in palliative care rather than give up the patient or even advise death.

  To sum up, whether voluntary euthanasia is legal or not, we, the medical workers, should focus our efforts on how to provide sufferers a more prideful course of treatment but painless death. Once, under legitimate conditions, terminal invalids volunteer to die, we should respect their decision as well.

2008/01/27 09:20

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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
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一個不小心字數給它超過太多了,而且老師要我們舉例也不曉得該在哪裡插進去會比較順,如果再舉例的話字數應該會再大幅的往上飆吧!

同樣的,麻煩版上的各位前輩們抽個空幫我看一下,無論是組織結構、文法句型、習慣用語等等各方面,都請盡量給我批評指教!

再次的感謝大家!

[重寫後的文章]

             Euthanasia

  Euthanasia is a controversial subject and has been argued for a long time. Many believe no one has right to take a life, which is why many countries do not have the death penalty as well. In addition, Nancy J. Osgood has pointed out that euthanasia has the same meaning with genocide, murder, and suicide. From the standpoint of medical professionals ourselves, what we should do is to save but to kill a life.

  “The purpose of medicine is to prevent significant disease, to decrease pain and to postpone death.” Dr. Joel J. Nobel said. Therefore, a doctor, who has sworn the Hippocratic Oath: “To please no one will I prescribe a deadly drug nor give advice which may cause his death.” should try hard to prolong the life of patients rather than to promote their coming of death. In fact, with the development of medicine, who can make sure a patient’s illness is not or will not soon be curable? Consequently, treating invalids as our own family, we should provide more human-based health care.

  By contrast, once euthanasia is misunderstood or over depended on, some crimes maybe come about or the professional roles of health care employees could unduly compromise themselves by giving up treating troublesome illnesses. In the past, there were several events of abuse of euthanasia. In 1939, Nazis killed almost one hundred thousand Jews, whom they considered to be “life unworthy of life” by a nominally euthanasia program. In 2004, German doctor Mechthild Bach was arrested in Hanover on suspicion of murdering over 250 her patients. In the same year, a Swiss nurse killed 27 old people in nursing homes.

  To sum up, life is priceless, so in other words every effort must be made to save and preserve it whenever possible. Still, patients should be treated with regard for human dignity.

2008/01/27 09:37

GPLynn 於 2008-02-01 15:24:14

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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
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Dear GP,

Long writing takes time to fix, as you know. I'm thinking if you want to break this writing into four pieces of independent writing so other people would be more willing to respond to your request about editing, proofreading, and revising it.

Good idea?

AskChi

2008/01/28 17:33
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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
Just can't stay away
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引文:

askchi 寫道:
Dear GP,

Long writing takes time to fix, as you know. I'm thinking if you want to break this writing into four pieces of independent writing so other people would be more willing to respond to your request about editing, proofreading, and revising it.

Good idea?

AskChi

嗯!
因為有時候我的段落之間的關係承接也會有問題,所以我都是整篇打完才貼上來。
您可以看您怎樣子方便,分次分段幫我做檢查也可以。可能的話加個註解什麼的讓我曉得其它段落是還沒check而不是沒有錯就可以了!
謝謝您的指教!

2008/01/28 19:41

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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
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Dear GP

In this writing, you 'summarized' views from both sides on the issue of euthanasim, but where is your own view on it? Without your viewpoint, I, as a reader, cannot agree or disagree with you. This is the academic way of writing in English-speaking countries. In passing most of writing tests here in Taiwan, however, the story is a little different.

To my knowledge, most of them still consider grammar the center of what constitutes good-quality writing. As you are capable of constructing solid sentences, I think you are on the right track. Post it elsewhere on the ECT for another round of grammar check, if that will put you at ease.

I appreciate the fact that you do want to improve your writing. But if you want me to make specific comments on it, can you narrow it down to a specific part?

For your information, I do edit people's reports, plans and emails, but I do so with a fee.

Let me know how I can better serve you.

AskChi

2008/01/29 19:30
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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
Home away from home
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..... : 不是100%錯,但是我認為這樣子更好或是較不會被閱卷者挑毛病

..... : 有問題,錯,需要更改等等

(D): 你的用字有問題,請查字典。我以Longman ONLINE為準(Google可以找到)。

Euthanasia


  Euthanasia is a controversial subject and has been discussed for a long time. Nancy J. Osgood has pointed out that euthanasia has the same meaning with genocide, murder, mercy killing, death with dignity, right to die, and painless inducement of death. From the standpoint of medical professionals ourselves, this issue of euthanasia could not be seriously considered much more (*1) to make the most appropriate determination(?)(*2).

關於Nancy O.那部分,如果你想縮減文章字數,那麼你可以考慮把這整個去掉,頂多就是保留你主要要表達的部分/幾個字(當成定義)。另外一個要注意的是,一個名詞(片語)就是一個意思,你在引述N. O.的話時引了6個名詞(片語): (1)genocide, (2)murder, (3)mercy killing, (4)death with dignity, (5)right to die, and (6)painless inducement of death,換句話說,你似乎是打算要講解/說明/敘述這6 個主題。

我還沒看後面的部分,如果你確實是想全部講解這6個主題,那麼這是沒問題(只是太多了...,特別是你有字數限制)。總之我的建議是最好集中在你要表達的主題上,非主要表達意思的字眼就不要去提,因為你這是要準備考試用的,而且字數有限制,所以能不旁生支節最好。

(*1) 我看不懂...

(*2) determination(on/about what?) 因為你沒有寫,所以我會以為你接下來的一段會解釋,但是沒有(馬上解說)...(看下段的注解)





  Proponents have several reasons for (??) voluntary euthanasia (*1); choice, quality of life, resources, and pressure are the most common. They emphasize that choice is a fundamental principle for liberal democracies(D) and people have the right to choose a death of pride(*2). Sometimes, mercy killing is necessary to get high quality of life(*3) while(*4) the pain and suffering a patient feels a living death(*5), despite having the strongest analgesic, (??) can be incomprehensible to a person who has not gone through it. With a shortage of hospital space, they(Who are they?) also maintain hospital beds be used for people whose lives could be saved but continue the life of those who want to die.

(*1) 在段落之間的意思承接上開頭部分仍是唐突,因為上段結尾好像嘗試要表達以medical professionals的角度來看"euthanasia",那麼我(讀者)會以為你第二段應該是要繼續說你認為的medical professionals的看法是什麼,但是話題突然一轉,變成"某某支持者有理由xxx"??(以及"voluntary" euthanasia,那麼是否說/暗示 euthanasia有很多種類,然後你這段是在"專講"voluntary這一種?那麼原來的euthanasia這"大項"呢?)。

另外就是這寫法本身的問題。首先是,這些"proponents"是誰?他們是幹嘛的?你只說了"他們有幾個xxx的理由"。至於"reasons for voluntary euthanasia"的意思也不夠明確,比如是他們"自己要voluntary euthanasia"? "... reasons for committing voluntary euthanasia"(?) 還是其它?

然後你另外又提了4個主題: (*1)choice, (*2)quality of life, (*3)resources, and (*4)pressure。這是沒錯啦,只是你得另外花篇幅加以說明。我的建議是那幾項可以去掉,一個理由是我們一般人對這主題並不陌生,所以你不需要刻意另外列,然後你可以直接寫"They emphasize ...",這的好處是你接下來可以只挑幾點來講,不需要4個主題都cover到(同樣的,我還沒看後頭的部分,都有講到那很好,如果有漏,那麼就變成寫作上的缺陷)。

我的建議是乾脆1,2句合在一起(然後去掉支節)->
(note: 這沒有解決段落間轉折的問題)

Proponents of euthanasia emphasize that "choice" is a fundamental human right and people should be free to choose whether they want to end their lives.

(*2) 這名詞主要是在講"pride"-- "pride 的去除"等等諸如此類的意思。

(*3) 邏輯上的問題。死都死了,死人並沒有"higher quality of life"。如果你是說照顧病人的人會因此能有higher quality of life,那麼這人有可能是家屬雇用的看護,或是家屬自己等等,換句話說你要說明清楚是誰能有higher quality of life。

(*4) "while" -> "because" ?? while這字在這裡不大恰當

(*5) "feels"前頭或後頭多字-> feels 不能同時修飾前後名詞(或是被前後名詞所用)。比如:

- All the happiness (that) I can feel.
- I feel wonderful.

但是這樣子就錯了: All the happiness I can feel wonderful.(X)

---------
Ex: (只是舉例,未必能直接套入你的文章)
Sometimes, mercy killing is necessary because of the pain and suffering (that)a patient feels.
(如果是植物人,那麼他是否能清楚的"feel",這.....)
or
... a patient is in.

Moreover, not can most families, especially without fully-> full medical insurance, afford the high cost of medical care.

-> Moreover, not many families can afford the high cost of medical care.
-> Moreover, not many families, especially those without full medical insurance, can afford ......

To reduce the economical pressure of their families, incurable patients always seek to die even using painful methods such as hanging.


這句單獨看是還好,但是一和前文接在一起問題就出來了。首先是their是指誰?代名詞的特性是他代的是最接近的名詞,而且往往是位於前文的名詞,除開文法規則不談,一個很單純的理由是閱讀上的關係。以我 (讀者)來說,我一路上看下來,前一句才剛讀完了"...families (can't afford ....)",然後這一句讀到"their (families)"時,我會很自然的以為你是在講同一group的人 -- 無法負擔醫藥費的這些家庭,但是繼續看後文才知道原來這個"their"是在講"incurable patients"。總之在寫作時要避開類似這種"角色錯亂"的寫法。一個quick fix是把"of their families"去掉或是整個改寫。後半部分的一個邏輯上的缺點是這只適用於"意識仍清楚,且能活動的"(incurable) patients ....
(quick fix的一個意思是這不是完美的fix)

參考一下這表達法:

Moreover, not many families can afford the high cost of medical care. What is worse is that some incurable patients may attempt to kill themselves just to reduce the financial burdens they impose upon their loved ones.

1. 我用"What is worse is ..."來提醒讀者我要開始變化話題了,而這話題的內容會是比前一句"worse"(也算是一種吸引注意力的表達法)
2. 我在第二句前頭就先指明了"incurable patients",那麼後面在提"they/their"時就可以很清楚的知道這就是指他們。(如果我在這句後頭用they/their,但是卻是講其他群組的人的事情,那麼就是犯了同樣的毛病)

關於"transitions"的用詞可以參考這個:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/transitions.htm

列表下方的"A word of caution"你可以讀一下。




  By contrast, opponents(*1) argue that voluntary euthanasia should not be allowed because of professional roles, moral, theology, and necessity(*2).

(*1) 要指清楚他們是誰,不然的話他們可以是任一團體。光用冠詞恐怕不夠,所以還是寫清楚 -> (the) opponents of euthanasia ...

(*2) 這幾個名詞舉得太亂了... 比如"宗教因素/理由"是否比"神學"來得直接和清楚些? 甚麼的/誰的"職業角色"?

They point out that the professional roles of health care employees could unduly compromise themselves(*3), especially physicians who have sworn the Hippocratic Oath: “To please no one will I prescribe a deadly drug nor give advice which may cause his death...”

(*3) Why? Did they do something? (事件)動作和(事件)動作之間不能這樣子跳。以我(讀者)的角度來看,雖然我可以"猜"你是特別指明是協助病人安樂死的醫護人員,但是你的前文並沒有清楚的說明 -- 你只是說了"professional roles"(除非所有醫護人員的角色本來都會協助所有病人安樂死,這時候你才不需要另外說明)。A quick fix -> could ... themselves by doing something ...


Besides, some people treat euthanasia as a type of suicide which is morally unacceptable. And many Christians believe that all human life is sacred, a wonderful and even miraculous creation of the divine God, and every effort must be made to save and preserve it whenever possible. The most important gist is who can make sure a patient’s illness is not or will not soon be curable, thus what medical personnel should necessarily do is attempting to bring about a cure or engage in palliative care rather than give up the patient or even advise death.

這部分有些亂,我無從改起.......




  To sum up, whether voluntary euthanasia is legal or not, we, the medical workers, should focus our efforts on how to provide sufferers a more prideful(*1) course of treatment but painless death. Once, under legitimate conditions, terminal invalids volunteer to die, we should respect their decision as well.

(*1) www.dictionary.com -> prideful
最後一句有些怪...

"terminal invalids" 是不是專門術語/書上有的? 因為Google上找到的例子極少。


2008/01/31 09:03
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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
Just can't stay away
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因為整篇要改的部分實在是太多了,所以我乾脆整個重寫一遍(還是有保留原來的一些句子),為了清楚的點出立場,第2~3段的主旨整個都把它給換掉了!

重寫後的文章一樣重新貼在#2裡,同樣的要麻煩各位前輩們抽個空給指教了!

並祝大家,農曆新年快樂∼鼠年行大運∼

引文:
djyang 寫道:
"terminal invalids" 是不是專門術語/書上有的? 因為Google上找到的例子極少。

我不清楚是不是專業術語,因為我是把terminal cancer換字來的,不過terminal patient在Google上好像就可以找到不少。

2008/02/01 15:21

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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
Home away from home
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> 因為我是把terminal cancer換字來的
我的建議是換好字後"至少"用Google找一下有沒有"很多"例子。因為這牽涉到這是否是個"常用表示法" -- 很少人在用的不是一定"錯",但是想想,如果一個改考券的人(特別是他的母語是英文,又特別是他本身也是個教授之類的)看到這種用法(比如他(幾乎)沒看過這種用法),一個很高的可能是他直接把這當成"中式英文"劃掉。

Google上有很多例子的用法也不是一定對,不過至少出錯的機會比前述的低。另外你也可以專看這用語是不是出自"好的"出處 -- 比如很多醫學書(作者名字聽起來像是英語人士)都那樣子用,那麼就沒問題了。

------
我順便多寫一下。用Thesaurus找來的"近似字"也是一樣,很多時候不能直接代用 --> 這是有次在逛書局時翻到的一本書媕Y說的(書的對象是一般美國人,媕Y是說找到字後還要再對照一下字典,看看例句/用法,確定意思真的符合也可以那樣子用後再套回原來的寫作)


=================================

中文也有一樣的現象。我用中文舉個例子: (中時電子報上的一個句子)

"雅虎今天表示,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。"

然後我查教育部的國語辭典: http://140.111.34.46/newDict/dict/index.html

表示

相似詞:

表白、表明、表達、表現、吐露、顯示、暗示


然後套入原句子:

雅虎今天表白,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。
雅虎今天表明,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。
雅虎今天表達,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。
雅虎今天表現,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。
雅虎今天吐露,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。
雅虎今天顯示,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。
雅虎今天暗示,電腦軟體巨擘微軟提案收購,它將「謹慎和迅速」評估微軟的敵意併購。

2008/02/02 00:08

djyang 於 2008-02-02 00:33:05
djyang 於 2008-02-02 03:28:48
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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
Home away from home
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..... : 不是100%錯,但是我認為這樣子更好或是較不會被閱卷者挑毛病

..... : 有問題,錯,需要更改等等

(D): 你的用字有問題,請查字典。我以Longman ONLINE為準(Google可以找到)。


這篇整體上好多了,在讀的時候比較容易follow.

             Euthanasia

   Euthanasia is a controversial subject and has been argued for a long time. Many believe no one has the right to take a life, which is why many countries do not have the death penalty as well(*1). In addition, Nancy J. Osgood has pointed out that euthanasia has the same meaning as genocide, murder, and suicide. From the standpoint of medical professionals ourselves, what we should do is to save but to kill a life.

(*1) 個人認為這有些多餘(特別是你另外提到了"death penalty" -- 這又創造了另一枝節)




  “The purpose of medicine is to prevent significant disease, to decrease pain and to postpone death.” Dr. Joel J. Nobel said. Therefore, a doctor, who has sworn the Hippocratic Oath, “To please no one will I prescribe a deadly drug nor give advice which may cause his death(去掉句號)”,(*1) should try hard to prolong the life of patients rather than to promote their coming of death. In fact, with the development of medicine, who can make sure a patient’s illness is not or will not soon be curable? Consequently(語意不合), treating invalids(*2) as our own family, (*3) we should provide  more human-based(?) -> humane  health care.


(*1) 原寫法如果quote之後就結束,那麼是可以那樣子寫。現在是一個句子媕Y的一部分所以要改一下(注意前後逗號)。

(*2) 和自己的家人配合一起用...這...。我打個比方好了。長期臥病的人也可以是"廢人",但是你會用"廢人"來形容自己臥病在床的家人嗎?

(*3) 你是要表達"(醫護人員)將病人當成自己的家人一樣"?是的話這要改寫,因為原寫法比較像是陳述一個(既有的)事實。我是覺得這部分可以直接去掉。(因為這也只是個期望,畢竟能真正做到的....)



  By contrast, once euthanasia is misunderstood or over depended on(*1), some crimes maybe -> may come about or the professional roles of -> some(*2) health care employees could unduly compromise themselves by giving up treating troublesome illnesses. In the past, there were several events of abuse of euthanasia(*3). In 1939, Nazis killed almost one hundred thousand Jews, whom they considered to be “life unworthy of life” by a nominally euthanasia program(*4). In 2004,  German doctor Mechthild Bach was arrested in Hanover(*5) on suspicion of murdering over 250  of  her patients. In the same year, a Swiss nurse killed 27 old people in nursing homes.

(*1) 你是要表達"一旦..."吧?這樣的(英文)表達有些怪異....(主要是整個文意上,倒不單是once)。也許是因為你寫了"is misunderstood",如果這指的後頭的Nazis所做的事,那麼那比較像是"假藉名義"而不是"誤解"。Anyway, it's me.

(*2) .... compromise "themselves" --> 是"人"還是他們的"職業角色"?

(*3) 我的建議是去掉,因為這類事不會只是"several",就算改成了適當的形容數量的用詞這整句也是有些累贅。

(*4) 不能那樣子接(那樣子好像在說Nazi是靠那個program才有辦法考慮/認為他們是....)

(*5) 不需要交代那麼細



  To sum up, life is priceless, so in other words every effort must be made to save and preserve it whenever possible. Still(D), patients should be treated with regard for human dignity.

最後一句有些過於強迫的硬接上去....。

Longman
still (1,adv)
...
2 in spite of what has just been said or done:
 The hotel was terrible. Still, we were lucky with the weather.

(注意一下Still前後含意/如何的承接上句意思)

(是不是有種無奈的意思? --> life is priceless --> 這是無奈的,所以要... ?? )

2008/02/04 04:16

djyang 於 2008-02-05 08:42:32
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Re: [自己寫的]Euthanasia
Just can't stay away
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引文:

djyang 寫道:
(*4) 不能那樣子接(那樣子好像在說Nazi是靠那個program才有辦法考慮/認為他們是....)

那請問第三段的這句可以改成這樣子嗎?
In 1939, Nazis by a nominally euthanasia program killed almost one hundred thousand Jews whom they considered to be “life unworthy of life”.

2008/02/14 11:27

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